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The Goldilock’s Cock, A Search for Penile Perfection

Ms Lauren — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 20:11:24 +0000

The Goldilocks Cock

Ahh, the perfect, mythical cock! I’m not one to objectify men, well, not much anyway, lol. But there’s a point when too small is too small, when too big is too big. So instead of becoming a huge nympho in my search for penile perfection, I’ve developed a scale for what I call Goldilocks Cocks. What’s that? Well, like the story… it’s not too big, it’s not too small, it’s JUUUSSSTTT right! Allow your phone Mistress to share and explain.

Small, Medium, Large… One Size Does NOT Fit All

The average male penis is 5.8″ in length. But do you really think I’m the kind of girl who enjoys average? No, while an average cock is respectable, it’s not impressive. Anything smaller runs the gamut between “an inch more I could have been a king, an inch less a queen” to the pathetically laughable micro-peens. If you’ve got more than average, don’t start getting cocky, lol. A freakishly huge cock is just as scary as a dinky dick. If confronted by a uterus rammer, I turn it down just as quickly. Hey, I never said I was a size queen!

The Perfect Penis Length

I’m always asked what I find to be the perfect penis length. Well, just like planet Earth in our solar system, my scale of penile perfection has its own Goldilocks Zone. Little dicks are like Pluto or Eris, too small and they’d leave me cold. Freak cocks are like Mercury, really hot, but not conducive with life, lol. But the Goldilocks Cock is somewhere in the middle, but not average in any way! The perfect length is in the 6 1/2″ to 8 1/2 ” range. Don’t get excited if that’s you… there’s more to consider!

Girth, The Not So Hidden Variable

Chodes do not excite me. Even if you’re beer can thick, it can’t make up for the stubby length. In the planet metaphor, chodes are like Mars. They’re almost there, but devoid of atmosphere, they lack charm and seem crude and vaguely alien. They’re filling for a moment, but they never hit those itchy spots.

Pencil dicks are particularly amusing, especially the long ones. They’re like Venus, brimming with promise, but falling short of perfection. Narrow, skinny dicks really disappoint. A better use perhaps would be adding an ink well and using it as a ballpoint pen. What’s the use of going deep if you can’t touch the sides?

Now the Goldilocks Cock is a man’s cock. It fills the hand so that my fingers meet around it, they don’t overlap nor do they fall short. When it slides in my mouth, it’s a perfect fit. I can suck it slowly without feeling I’m choking. I can luxuriate in the feel of it. Delicious!

Cut vs. Uncut

I find both cut and uncut cocks both suffer beautifully when teased and denied. But honestly, I love uncut cocks. Why? The head has its own protective shell and as a result, it’s extremely sensitive. I love to tease uncut men, they love sensual texture play and even the smallest touch elicits the most exciting sighs. Now, I have no problems with cut males. In fact, this is a variable factor in my quest for the Goldilocks Cock. I don’t discriminate because of circumcision. In fact, the nice thing about a cut cock is this… the very lack of sensitivity in a circumcised male gives him more stamina… in short, many a cut cock can go all night long… That’s always a plus

Just the Tip… Mushroom vs. Torpedo

Now both the Torpedo Tip and the Mushroom Head have their appeal. The Torpedo has a narrow head that’s a bit smaller or the same size as the shaft. The Mushroom head is flared and proud, swelling out from the cock shaft in perfect symmetry. The Torpedo is built for speed, a jack hammer of a cock that pushes ahead blindly to the inevitable end. The Mushroom is built for slow fucking, it plunges in, leaving the shaft to be grasped tightly with every thrust. So, another variable factor for Goldilocks status.

Where Does Your Cock Fit In?

So now that you know where I stand in the quest for penile perfection, why don’t you tell me about YOUR cock! Even if your cock doesn’t fit into the Goldilocks Zone, it has it’s uses. If you’re too small to satisfy, I’m amused to mock you for your short comings and give you the small penis humiliation you crave. And big cocks? Like I said, they’re hot to look at… and I’d love to watch… and help you stroke it. Small, Medium, Large, Just Right… truth is, I love ‘em all… for VERY different reasons.

Empress Lauren, Your Phone Humiliatrix
1-800-601-6975
18 + Only! $2.50/minute with a 10 minute minimum
My Erotic Photo Gallery
lauren@enchantrixempire.com
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The World Does Not Revolve Around Your Little Dick

Ms Lauren — Thu, 21 Oct 2010 04:18:09 +0000

The World Does NOT Revolve Around Your Little Dick

There are men in the world who shake things up, make panties drop with a glance, make women weak with one whispered word, but you’re certainly not one of them. It takes a bit more testicular fortitude than a man like you can swing. You don’t have the alpha male gene, the swagger to back up your demands. In short (like your dick), even though you act as if the world revolves around you and your little dick, it most certainly doesn’t. Why should it be a huge surprise that a femdom mistress like myself would rebuff your silly attempts at seduction?

Accept Your Limitations, Little Man

Oh… you take it so hard (like your dick), don’t you? You whine, you cajole, you beg and you plead. I sit as inscrutable as the Mona Lisa, my half smile taunting you because I don’t even care enough to berate you. What you don’t see is my perception of the train wreck I’m watching. Your ego is headed for utter destruction. That’s just the state I want you in… horny, emotionally drained. It leaves you vulnerable, weak… your natural state in the grand scheme of things.

Humiliate You? Why? You’re Doing Such a Fine Job All On Your Own

I comfort you as you confess all your shortcomings. You seem ready, but there’s a spark of your manipulation in your eyes. You’re going for the pity fuck. I play along to drive your desire to fever pitch wise to your little game. I like games… I know a few of my own. Like teased, denied and blueballed… you’ve heard of that one, right, little man? Ready to take it to the next level? I know I am.

You Never Stop Trying

But no… you’ve got one more play left in you. You pull my hand to your lap and unzip. OMG, the sympathy hand job? Third prize in the Beauty Pageant? Smooth move, teensie peenster. I guess you aren’t expecting a sharp slap to your exposed cocktail weiner. It’s soo not gonna happen, loser. See, the world doesn’t revolve around your little dick. I know it and now you know it, too. Don’t sweat it there, sport… small cock humiliation becomes you.

Empress Lauren, Your Phone Humiliatrix
1-800-601-6975
18 + Only! $2.50/minute with a 10 minute minimum
My Erotic Photo Gallery
lauren@enchantrixempire.com
Follow me on Twitter: EmpressLauren

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The Erotic Thrill of Small Cock Humiliation

Ms Lauren — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 08:39:52 +0000

I get emails sometimes from deluded little men who think I’m shallow and cruel for mocking men with little dicks. They want to go back to a time where women didn’t know the difference between real men and men like them… men with teensie little minds and even teeniser cocks. But you’re a smart lil dink, now aren’t you there, sport? You know it’s not the girl’s fault. You’re fully aware that all women deserve better than you.

You’ve seen the look of disappointment in her eyes when you’ve exposed your secret shame. You felt that hot rush of humiliation when she’s told you she’s seeing someone else, someone who could actually satisfy her. You’ve felt the erotic humiliation of being called out as a little dick… and you’ve liked it. In fact, it’s the only thing that arouses you now. You know your place in the world and you accept it as a natural consequence of not measuring up. The erotic thrill of small cock humiliation both emasculates and excites you. It’s the natural order of things.

It amuses me that men will blame women for knowing what they want. Men are so critical of women, it’s par for the course when you insult a woman for having little tits or a huge ass. You pick and choose the ladies you desire based on their physical attributes. Why should women be any different? Just because we nurture, just because we explore our emotions… well, some boys think we shouldn’t judge a man for his size and stamina.

But honestly? That’s not how the world works. In a perfect world every woman would be a pinup and every man would be hung like a porn star… but the world’s not perfect and neither are you. So deal with it and learn to love your little dick. You’re the only one who will, right? That’s why you call me for the kind of small cock humiliation phone sex you deserve…

Empress Lauren, Your Phone Humiliatrix
1-800-601-6975
18 + Only! $2.50/minute with a 10 minute minimum
My Erotic Photo Gallery
lauren@enchantrixempire.com
Follow me on Twitter: EmpressLauren

My Femdom Humiliation Blogs:
My Femdom Blog | Teased by Panties | Adventures In Cocksucking| Humiliation Nation

My Fetish Phone Sex Sites:
Be My Cuckold | Erotic Humiliation | Orgasmic Denial

The Cuckold Was Cock Mocked, Imagine That!

Ms Lauren — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 00:39:16 +0000

I could tell by his voice when he called me that he lacked the kind of confidence a real man has. It came as no surprise when he admitted his dinky dick was a mere 3 and a half inches. When he told me he’d been married for almost twenty years, I thought poor wifey… so I had to giggle when he made his second confession… his lovely hotwife had been cuckolding him for most of their marriage. She’d been a bit wild before and had gotten used to the feel of a throbbing hard cock… something her teensie little hubby simply couldn’t provide. He did provide comfort and security… and allowed her adventures since he knew how he truly lacked the ability to please her.

What do you say to a little man who knows his place? You reinforce his need for small penis humiliation, of course. I mocked him for waiting patiently while she fucked around, ready for her on his knees when she came home with soaking panties. I goaded him by talking about creampies past… asking him questions about the biggest load he’d ever sucked from her gaping, aching pussy. He admitted he’d lost count of her lovers, but he’d watched a few times when she wanted to give her little man a little treat. His favorite was a big, black stud she fucked on occasion. When I asked him if he’d ever fluffed for her, he was silent… his shame almost audible over the phone line. I heard a little yes and laughed uproariously while he tugged on his dink.

Sometimes, small penis humiliation and forced bi humiliation go hand in hand when you’re dealing with a cuckie slut. I do so enjoy hearing the erotic confessions of boys too small to be men… and how much they adore being cuckolded by the women they love. Why don’t you share your shame with me tonight? I know you have those secrets deep inside you’re aching to share… call me and tell me all of them.

Empress Lauren, Your Phone Humiliatrix
1-800-601-6975
18 + Only! $2.50/minute with a 10 minute minimum
My Erotic Photo Gallery
lauren@enchantrixempire.com
Follow me on Twitter: EmpressLauren

My Femdom Humiliation Blogs:
My Femdom Blog | Teased by Panties | Adventures In Cocksucking| Humiliation Nation

My Fetish Phone Sex Sites:
Be My Cuckold | Erotic Humiliation | Orgasmic Denial

Another Small Cock Confession!

Ms Lauren — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 06:50:03 +0000

My series of small cock humiliation confessions has become quite popular. I have boys writing every day to confess the size of their dicklet leaves much to be desired. Though most of the erotic confessions are one liners with a quick summary of their shortcomings, I do post the ones who leave a bit more. So if you’d like to confess your humiliating secrets, please send me more than “I have a baby dick and my wife cuckolds me.” Here’s the kind of confession I love to see.

My first experience with small cock humiliation came in the usual way. I was in the locker room showering. I’d waited until the other boys cleared out so they wouldn’t see. Some of the guys came back in to their lockers and happened to see a quick flash of my inferior penis and told everyone. Knowing the girls in my classes were laughing at me left me hard. That’s the first time I was kind of glad. I don’t think I could have took them all laughing because I got a stiffy from their cruel words.

My limp dick is about two inches, hard it grow to three. My first wife cuckolded me with a black man. She would come in after a night with him bragging about his size and stamina. She finished the job the girls in high school started by letting me know in no uncertain terms that no woman wanted a man with a little dick. I encouraged her to bring her lover home and I’m ashamed to say I enjoyed watching them. I even cleaned her up after. She called me a pussy for doing that and eventually left me for another man.

After my divorced, I never remarried. I’ve not dated much either. Every time a woman sees my dick I don’t get a second date. I thought of playing hard to get so they’d want to go out, but I know eventually my secret will be exposed. It’s not worth the bother. I’m a small dicked loser and I don’t deserve pussy.

Empress Lauren, Your Phone Humiliatrix
1-800-601-6975
18 + Only! $2.50/minute with a 10 minute minimum
My Erotic Photo Gallery
lauren@enchantrixempire.com
Follow me on Twitter: EmpressLauren

My Femdom Humiliation Blogs
Ms Lauren’s Femdom Blog | Humiliation Nation | Forced Bi Mistress | Teased by Panties

Your Dinky, Dinky Dicklette…

Ms Lauren — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 08:04:12 +0000

I’m not the first woman who’s laughed at you… I won’t be the last. You were born to have your small cock humiliated. You were jipped in the cosmic penis lottery, weren’t you there, sport? It’s short, it’s thin and it just can’t harden up to factory specifications. Fact is, if you were on an assembly line? Well, you and I both know they’d throw your pathetic little worm into the reject pile! Lucky for you, you’re a human… we don’t do that. Well, we do, but the reject pile that women throw you into is far, far different. Rather than being dumped as waste, you’re put in the unenviable position of languishing in neglect. Unless you find a woman willing to make a cuckold of you, you’ll never know the sweet touch of a female hand… well unless she has no self respect and is merely throwing you a pity fuck… it’s not like you’re going to damage her precious pussy with your inch long wonder worm!

Consigned to the bottom of the sexual heap your only consolation lies in chronic masturbation. But sometimes even your fingers wish they had something more substantial to stroke. The two fingers you rub it with are even bored with your baby dick, aren’t they? Such a worthless little thing, too small to be a man, too big to be a cute little nubbie wub… So what will you do to make up for your lack of sexual credentials, little man? Learn to lick like a pro? Even that doesn’t make up for what you’re lacking… an orgasm that comes from a flick job is nothing compared to hard, deep thrusting… but you know nothing of that outside of pornos… So what do you do… what do you do? Learn to love the laughter, dink… there’s a lot more where this came from.

Empress Lauren, Your Phone Humiliatrix
1-800-601-6975
18 + Only! $2.50/minute with a 10 minute minimum
My Erotic Photo Gallery
lauren@enchantrixempire.com
Follow me on Twitter: EmpressLauren

My Femdom Humiliation Blogs
Ms Lauren’s Femdom Blog | Humiliation Nation | Forced Bi Mistress | Teased by Panties

Small Dicked Man in a Big Dicked World

Ms Lauren — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 06:26:17 +0000

I pity the dinky dicked males in this huge scholong world we live in… well, just a little anyway, lol. In days of old, when people hid behind polite conversation, the subject of penis size was relegated to locker rooms and doctor’s offices. Ladies uttered nary a peep when their hubby failed to satisfy them, they didn’t know their males were supposed to. With the liberation of saying what’s on your mind, there’s a million and one ways to be insulted and offended in modern society. Why do the small of cock always make it personal?

I was reading an interesting article at Mentalhealth.net about Small Penis Anxiety Disorder. Now the article itself was nothing to write home about. BUT the comments section of the post are oh, so funny. Much as on the IMDB “Hung” board, the little dicked bitches come out in droves to tear the poor women who dare to comment that size matters the proverbial new one. Some of the bastards advocate violence against women because of their own shortcomings! While I’ve been called a ball breaking bitch by some of my callers, I find I wear that mantle with pride… and none have threatened me. Why, because they know they deserve every bit of scorn and mockery I heap upon them.

I’m so tired of hearing that women shouldn’t care about the size of her partner’s penis. Why shouldn’t we care? We’re the one’s left hanging when a man with a “big heart” thinks it means we don’t deserve a “big dick” to go along with it. We want it all… and why shouldn’t we? If you’re too small to satisfy, you’re better off getting out of the gene pool already. You wouldn’t want to pass that tiny penis on to your offspring, now would you?

Yes, women who do marry a man who’s lacking in the pants often end up cuckolding their little dicked husband. Yes, women do love to humiliate small cocks, not because we’re cruel… well, maybe a little. But mostly? We laugh because it’s funny. Get a sense of humor or learn to love it.

Empress Lauren, Your Phone Humiliatrix
1-800-601-6975
18 + Only! $2.50/minute with a 10 minute minimum
My Erotic Photo Gallery
lauren@enchantrixempire.com
Follow me on Twitter: EmpressLauren

My Femdom Humiliation Blogs
Ms Lauren’s Femdom Blog | Humiliation Nation | Forced Bi Mistress | Teased by Panties

Skinny Boys with Skinny Dicks

Ms Lauren — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 02:12:25 +0000

What’s worse than a short and stubby dick? A pencil dick with just enough length to be dangerous. A friend of mine went out with this guy a week or so ago and was kind enough to share her cautionary tale. She’d heard from several girls he was well hung. They were mistaken. Indeed it was long, but so narrow it flopped around like an eel. Eel dick, long, thin and slippery, but without the electricity that makes the eel so very special, lol. He couldn’t figure out why she was laughing when he walked proudly across the room with it flopping around. She told him thanks, but no thanks and left. He ended up texting her rude things all week… that mysteriously ended up with a broadcast to his entire list about his circus freak dink.

While I feel sorry for the poor guy on a completely abstract level… well, what the fuck did he expect? He had to know he was a wee bit odd down there. Or perhaps his previous partners had been overgenerous with their praise to spare his feelings. That’s never a good thing. Why give a man an inflated sense of his own importance when he’s so obviously inadequate. It’s a hard fall when reality sets in and the former Don Juan realizes he’s just another candidate for cock humiliation. Wonder if he’ll take up chronic masturbation now that his pride’s been demolished, lol? Perhaps I should have her point him here… If there’s anyone in the world who should substitute real life erotic encounters for phone sex fantasy, it’s this guy, lol.

Empress Lauren, Your Phone Humiliatrix
1-800-601-6975
18 + Only! $2.50/minute with a 10 minute minimum
My Erotic Photo Gallery
lauren@enchantrixempire.com
Follow me on Twitter: EmpressLauren

My Femdom Humiliation Blogs
Ms Lauren’s Femdom Blog | Humiliation Nation | Forced Bi Mistress | Teased by Panties

Limp Dick Loser Strikes Again, LOL

Ms Lauren — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 05:24:23 +0000

So Limp Dick Loser has a hugely humiliating problem. Seems common enough around here, right, lol? But Limpy, well, he’s not your average humiliation junkie. He actually has a decently sized penis… if he could keep it hard enough. Unfortunately Limp Dick Loser has just a wee drinking problem. So even when the flesh is willing, it’s weak. He’s disappointed numerous lovers with his less than stellar performance. So his problem is obvious, right? He gets it up, gets it in… then nothin’. Yeah, nothin’. Once it goes limp, there’s no returning to the thick, hard manly cock he brags about so very much. Needless to say, after the “sex” date, there’s never another. What woman would want something so pathetically useless as a floppy wiener?

See it’s not just small cocks I enjoy humiliating. Why should I limit myself when there are so many other hilarious forms of cock humiliation? The limps dicks (obviously), the leaky dinks, the stubby choades, the uterus batterers, the lumpy, the jerky curved… well, you get what I’m saying. And don’t even get me started on the ones who cum too quickly. But the funniest pricks I’ve seen are definitely the ones who have a trifecta or more of flaws. The ones that are teenie, limp and cum too quickly are especially amusing. While it might seem cruel for me to laugh so much at male members, it’s not really. It’s better than they’ll get spreading it around. And besides, I’m not the first woman who’s laughed… and I won’t be the last.

Call me to indulge in your very own small cock humiliation or cock humiliation phone sex fantasy. I’m in a Cock Mocking mood, indulge your Mistress tonight. I’ll be taking calls all weekend from 10am until 2-3am.

Empress Lauren, Your Phone Humiliatrix
1-800-601-6975
18 + Only! $2.50/minute with a 10 minute minimum
My Erotic Photo Gallery
lauren@enchantrixempire.com
Follow me on Twitter: EmpressLauren

My Femdom Humiliation Blogs
Ms Lauren’s Femdom Blog | Humiliation Nation | Forced Bi Mistress | Teased by Panties

Degrading Your Dinky Dick… An Anti-Love Story

Ms Lauren — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 01:34:42 +0000

You always play the big man… hell, you even had a femdom mistress convinced. But when we came back to your place for a bit of fun, I soon found myself wishing I was elsewhere. How could you act like you’re a stud when your penis isn’t as big as your index finger? But then I’m sure I’m not the first woman to tell you so. Oh that hit a nerve, there, didn’t it? Aww, are you going to cry? Save your tears… I won’t give your useless dinky dick a pity fuck nor will I give you a shoulder to cry on. You’ve brought this on yourself.

Your dicklet’s been writing checks it can’t cash and your overdraft protection on this pity party has just ended. You’re definitely NSF… no, not non-sufficient funds, but no suck or fuck. Cocklettes as tiny as yours deserve only scorn and mockery. I’ll tell you how this night would have ended if I were a lesser woman and afraid to wound your over inflated ego. I’d have his my disappointment and then you’d have cum 3 seconds upon entering my holy of holies. That’s no way for a girl to spend her night, trust me.

The only thing you deserve, little man, is small cock humiliation. You know it’s true. You can’t satisfy anyone but you… so why don’t you stroke that peenie for me now. Has anyone told you it looks like a baby dick? And your nuts? Well, I’d have to cart out my magnifying glass to see them. That’s the most pathetic display of manhood I’ve ever seen. See, I told you you’d squirt too quickly… now put it away, I’m going home. But before I do, why don’t you eat that cum off your fingers? That’s the price you pay when you disappoint a dominant woman… suck it up, dicky do little, lol!

Empress Lauren, Your Phone Humiliatrix
1-800-601-6975
18 + Only! $2.50/minute with a 10 minute minimum
My Erotic Photo Gallery
lauren@enchantrixempire.com
Follow me on Twitter: EmpressLauren

My Femdom Humiliation Blogs
Ms Lauren’s Femdom Blog | Humiliation Nation | Forced Bi Mistress | Teased by Panties